Hi guys! We have Alek Martin stopping by today with his autobiography The Loss of Self, we have a very frank excerpt so check out Alek’s story and enjoy! <3 ~Pixie~
The Loss of Self
My path of Self-Destruction to the point of total humiliation
An Intimate Autobiography
Alek Martin
This is an intimate autobiography not fiction.
About The Loss of Self: My path of Self-Destruction to the point of total humiliation
A very private and intimate Autobiography of the last seven years, my fall from “Grace,” as I like to describe it.
Death, Sex, lots of absurd, artificial
An appalling Break-up, which was the Catalyst to it all.chemed-Sex.
H.I.V., Bankruptcy, Almost-Suicide, Meth and so much more!
I lost faith in humanity
I lost myself.
I always had rules, goals and boundaries which I lived by endearingly, but after the Death of my beloved Grandmother, I started a Path of Self-Destruction to the point of total shame.
Do you know what it feels like to be standing on the Edge of a building, you have nothing to lose, and the only thing that keeps you from jumping is to return to an abusive Boyfriend who has nothing else to offer you, but to lie to you, to control you and to take the next puff of the Meth pipe!
Would you go back?
I did!
Back to the gay Lifestyle I never asked for.
To a Lifestyle where I ended up having Sex for Cash, me of all people?
Why, one must wonder, why?
I kept on punishing myself.
I accepted that my own boyfriend brought guys home and had sex with them in front of my face, looking me straight in the eyes.
And his eyes were saying:
“I’m going to break you, and you will accept everything I am going to give you”, and I did with little resistance.
I enforced his behaviour by overeating and
I lost my body.
Why did I let this happen?
What is my problem?
Why on earth would I who was successful in business and Life, always had monogamous, and highly Moral Relationships accept all this?
After 44 years on this earth, I finally discovered why!
My “Core Problem” wasn’t the people I met, they were merely clones that I choose very distinctively yet totally unaware.
I recreated the worst of all relationships, the one I never had, The one I never understood.
The relationship between my mother and myself!
It’s about the fact that she never fought for me, she never placed me first, and that behaviour made me feel not worthy, not good enough.
She never chose me!
But you have to fight and understand your “Core Problem” and deal with it, as harshly and honestly as you can!
It will hurt, and sacrifices will have to be made, but the pain isn’t anything compared to the pain that you will encounter if you don’t!